Processing our trip...one day...one moment at a time

It's been almost 2 and half months since being back from Brazil. There are moments where I miss it so much that every bone in my body hurts and then there are moments where I am so happy to be in my own bed.

What I am so very thankful for at this moment is seeing how God has just been working on me. This Friday I got to lead chapel for our 7th grade girls. It was one of the scariest things ever, why can I do this in Brazil with such energy but here with big butterfly's dancing in my belly? Maybe it is being so raw, so real in front of students and faculty. I don't know... I do know that I am so blessed to be able to share my stories and use them in a way to teach about God's love. I get to do that, I get to be open about my faith. I get to work with people with the same morals, the same beliefs and big hearts. I am in such a place of love, a place of healing, and a place of finding who God has called me to be.

Now I am working on our letter to recap our whole trip. I apologize for it taking so long but know that its been on my heart.

God planned for me to be here

So on my last night in Brazil, I taught my class and shared a story about a hard time. Here is the story.

The bible verse I want to share tonight is Joshua 1:9
⁹ Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Tonight's class was hard, it went out of your comfort zone. But when he weak we need to lean on God and trust in him. This past April or May I found out that I lost my job. I was very scared and discouraged. I didn't know what I would do. Many people told me to cancel my trip to Brazil or at least shorten it to two weeks instead of 4. If I stayed a month I would miss out on opportunities for the new school year since most hiring for teachers is in the first 2 weeks of August. I knew that leaving for a month would be a big risk but I prayed to God and said Lord if you need me to go to Brazil for a month I need a good job before the school year ends. After I prayed that prayer I left it in Gods hands and tried my best to not worry. Within the week I got calls for interviews and two weeks later I got a job offer. A job offer to work in a Christian school helping teachers and struggling students. A dream job, a job I didn't think I could get without many more years of experience, I have only been teaching 5 years. But God had more faith in me than I had in myself. When you feel weak or discourage remember he is with you, he has a plan for you and you are LOVED.  He wanted me to be here tonight to be with you, to share this story. 

I still get goose bumps sharing this story because it is so powerful. It changed me and I hope I can continue to work on myself, being the person God created me to be...because whenever I lean in for him, he's always there no matter what.

Day 4 ain't no bore

Sorry I forgot to publish this...

Today I was in a BAD mood, lack of sleep is taking a toll on me. I had really bad allergies and kept waking up, the weather is much colder this year and I haven't packed enough winter clothes to keep me bundled up.

This morning I got to work with two sweet girls with their English. I also worked on a prayer box for each one. It was a cool activity that I am glad I spent the money on. 87 Altoids = $105.00, so I am SUPER grateful that the kids liked it.

We also went to another favella today called Villa Rosa, no classes or bible study only home visits. It was pretty evident to everyone around that I was not in a good place due to the lack of sleep. However, I got asked to come to a one-on-one bible study for a lady. The woman used to have a rough past, drugs, fights, etc. However, she connected with the ministry when they came to do agiatas for the kids. She saw that the ministry really cared for her kids and became interested in the church Restoration Ministries partners up with. She came to church and later accepted Christ, and was baptized. She has made amazing changes in her life, she is one of the most well known helpers to the church and her children have big smiles on their faces. The hardest part of this change has been that her "so-called friends" don't believe she really changed. Her husband did not like her going to church and was even telling her he wouldn't allow it. She asked the ministry what to do and they told her to pray and that they didn't want to hurt her marriage. A few days later her husband told her that she could go to church, that he was ok with it. Ever since then she just dived into Gods word. Her husband doesn't go to church with her but we are all praying that he will. I told her about my life and my husband. I told her that I know we were suppose to meet tonight.

Later that night I taught a conversation class reviewing some of the grammar rules. I had fun and the day ended well.

 

Words are sharper than a knife

This is the testimony I shared with 2 women's bible studies. It's rough draft, so sorry for any typos.

Words can cut us deeper than a knife.

When I was very young my older sister and I got into a fight with words. She ended the fight by telling me "At least I wasn't a mistake." I was only 9 at that time and I didn't understand what that meant. I asked "what do you mean I am a mistake?" She said "the only reason you were born was because you were an accident. Our parents only got married because of you, if you weren't born are parents wouldn't be married and you wouldn't be in my life." I was very hurt and confused. I went to my dad and asked him about what she said. Am I a mistake, I asked him. He said "yes, you weren't planned but if you were a mistake you were the best mistake I ever made." Even though he made me feel better about the comment, those words mistake stayed in my heart.

During my time in school I struggled with learning to read. The school did many tests on me and realized that I had a learning disability. I am dyslexic, I mix letters and words around in myhead  while reading or processing information. Learning was very hard for me, school was not easy. I would see my brother and sisters come home, finish their homework in 30 minutes while it took me 3-5 hours to do my homework. I became frustrated and angry with God about this. It didn't occur to me till many years later when I started tutoring other students who struggled with learning that I really had a blessing in disguise. Once I became an English teacher for students with special needs I began to realize that I saw my students differently than other teachers. I saw their potential, I knew they could learn they just needed someone with more patience. Other teachers would get frustrated by these students and I knew what the students were struggling with because I had been there, I had been one of those students. I know that God did not make a mistake when he made me, he doesn't make mistakes. He gave me this blessing in disguise, so I could understand my students better and be a good teacher for them.

The last story I am going to share is about my mother. She is bipolar, her moods are either very good or very bad. There is no middle with her. When my parents went through a very nasty divorce over 5 years ago there was a lot of name calling and my mom said a lot of things that you can't take back. She told my youngest sister that she never wanted her, that she was free (she is adopted by the way). It got really bad, one day she told me that she wished she would never have had me. That it would have been better if she had an abortion because then she wouldn't have married my father and her life wouldn't be a mess. Those words hurt me deep down to my bones. Those things are the kind of things you don't someone can ever say to their own child. I became very depressed feeling very unwanted or just like another mistake again. It took some time and prayer but I have realized that I am not a mistake. During my parents ugly divorce I came across this poem that really helped me.

 You are who you are for a reason....by *Russell Kelfer

You are who you are for a reason.
You're part of an intricate plan.
You're a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God's special woman or man.
You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb.
You're just what He wanted to make.
The parents you had were the ones He chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom-designed with God's plan in mind,
And they bear the Master's seal.
No, that trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into His likeness you'd grow.
You are who you are for a reason,
You've been formed by the Master's rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!


After I read psalm 139
¹³ For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.

God didn't make a mistake when he made you, he made you to be who you are...wonderful and beautiful. Every freckle or birthmark was planned from God. I then gave every woman a bracelet with a cross on it and said that anytime you think about anything negative someone said or you look at yourself in the mirror and can only see the things you don't like, I want you to look down at this bracelet and remember that God is with you, God created you, and God has a plan for you. You are NOT a mistake. 

That was my whole message for both women's groups. The women took away from the message how words are powerful and how they speak to their children does matter. Afterward I prayed for them and asked God to help us give grace to those who have hurt us and for any negative thing we are holding on to, to let it go right now.  It is so funny how you share something and you think you are trying to help them and they end up helping you. Two women came up to me afterward and told me that I am special, that forgiveness is hard but God will help you and that I wasn't a mistake. They also shared how they had gone through the same experiences. Some of the stories made me cry because so often people think words are just words but they are so much more than that...they have power so use them wisely.

Things I will miss

Things that I will miss from Brazil 

1. How warm and loving people are 

2. Getting a kiss on the cheek and a hug for hello and goodbye 

3. Coffee at the end of my meal 

4. A little coffee where ever you go, I will miss those little plastic cafe shot cups that are everywhere 

5. The love for futbol, everyone has a favorite team and player

6. The kids, they were all so cute and so eager to learn & love. I'll never forget the joy  and innocence in their faces

7.  Beans & Rice, yes that is right. After a month I got use to them and am a little sad to see them leave my daily meals. 

8. The random singing that happens when a group of Brazilians are together 

9. The women who work so hard to provide for their families and seem to almost forget about themselves. I will miss praying for them, loving them, and sharing God's word with them. 

10. The sense of community or family where ever you go. 

11. The fruit that is so exotic and only found in Brazil 

12. The amazing juice from the fruit, I love to juice and Brazilians make amazing juice. Passion fruit with mint... I will miss it. 

13. The happiness and joy people have with so little, I will try to live more like that at home. 

That is all I have for now.

Back in the USA

We made it back safely!
Even though I was flagged by security and they looked through my stuff and patted me down...it was all ok. We got to sit next to each other and when we landed in LA, security was fast. I wasn't even questioned. God was totally with us, there is now doubt about that.

Now we are back home, resting as much as we can before Jeff goes back to work on Monday. Luckily I have a week off before I go back. I am planning on using everyday to rest and relax before working full time again.

I am going to be taking the next few blog entries to share some testimony stories. I am going use this space to kind of journal my thoughts, I hope that is ok.

Love you all

Packing for the trip back

Jeff is editing the video right now and I am trying to reflect on this journey God has put me on. God has led every step to this journey, there were many times when it could have been stopped but he came through every step and tonight I was able to share that with my students.

Right now I am trying to process the following questions

What did I learn on this trip?
Where did I see God?
Will I come back?
Where does God see me going?

I signed up for this missing in October, thinking I would just be teaching. However, I had no idea that my mission would prepare me for my future job. A job I am still pinching myself about having.

Ok, I am going to finish packing up and writing cards to ministry staff. I tried to check into my flight today but my name was flagged. I am going to be questioned at the airport by security from the U.S or Brazil...not sure why. All I know is I can't check into my flight and was told I would be questioned for an hour. *sign* Please pray for us to be able to get through security, to check in quickly, for a safe flight, and easy entry back into the U.S.

Love you all!