This is the testimony I shared with 2 women's bible studies. It's rough draft, so sorry for any typos.
Words can cut us deeper than a knife.
When I was very young my older sister and I got into a fight with words. She ended the fight by telling me "At least I wasn't a mistake." I was only 9 at that time and I didn't understand what that meant. I asked "what do you mean I am a mistake?" She said "the only reason you were born was because you were an accident. Our parents only got married because of you, if you weren't born are parents wouldn't be married and you wouldn't be in my life." I was very hurt and confused. I went to my dad and asked him about what she said. Am I a mistake, I asked him. He said "yes, you weren't planned but if you were a mistake you were the best mistake I ever made." Even though he made me feel better about the comment, those words mistake stayed in my heart.
During my time in school I struggled with learning to read. The school did many tests on me and realized that I had a learning disability. I am dyslexic, I mix letters and words around in myhead while reading or processing information. Learning was very hard for me, school was not easy. I would see my brother and sisters come home, finish their homework in 30 minutes while it took me 3-5 hours to do my homework. I became frustrated and angry with God about this. It didn't occur to me till many years later when I started tutoring other students who struggled with learning that I really had a blessing in disguise. Once I became an English teacher for students with special needs I began to realize that I saw my students differently than other teachers. I saw their potential, I knew they could learn they just needed someone with more patience. Other teachers would get frustrated by these students and I knew what the students were struggling with because I had been there, I had been one of those students. I know that God did not make a mistake when he made me, he doesn't make mistakes. He gave me this blessing in disguise, so I could understand my students better and be a good teacher for them.
The last story I am going to share is about my mother. She is bipolar, her moods are either very good or very bad. There is no middle with her. When my parents went through a very nasty divorce over 5 years ago there was a lot of name calling and my mom said a lot of things that you can't take back. She told my youngest sister that she never wanted her, that she was free (she is adopted by the way). It got really bad, one day she told me that she wished she would never have had me. That it would have been better if she had an abortion because then she wouldn't have married my father and her life wouldn't be a mess. Those words hurt me deep down to my bones. Those things are the kind of things you don't someone can ever say to their own child. I became very depressed feeling very unwanted or just like another mistake again. It took some time and prayer but I have realized that I am not a mistake. During my parents ugly divorce I came across this poem that really helped me.
You are who you are for a reason....by *Russell Kelfer
You are who you are for a reason.
You're part of an intricate plan.
You're a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God's special woman or man.
You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb.
You're just what He wanted to make.
The parents you had were the ones He chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom-designed with God's plan in mind,
And they bear the Master's seal.
No, that trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into His likeness you'd grow.
You are who you are for a reason,
You've been formed by the Master's rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!
After I read psalm 139
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
God didn't make a mistake when he made you, he made you to be who you are...wonderful and beautiful. Every freckle or birthmark was planned from God. I then gave every woman a bracelet with a cross on it and said that anytime you think about anything negative someone said or you look at yourself in the mirror and can only see the things you don't like, I want you to look down at this bracelet and remember that God is with you, God created you, and God has a plan for you. You are NOT a mistake.
That was my whole message for both women's groups. The women took away from the message how words are powerful and how they speak to their children does matter. Afterward I prayed for them and asked God to help us give grace to those who have hurt us and for any negative thing we are holding on to, to let it go right now. It is so funny how you share something and you think you are trying to help them and they end up helping you. Two women came up to me afterward and told me that I am special, that forgiveness is hard but God will help you and that I wasn't a mistake. They also shared how they had gone through the same experiences. Some of the stories made me cry because so often people think words are just words but they are so much more than that...they have power so use them wisely.
Words can cut us deeper than a knife.
When I was very young my older sister and I got into a fight with words. She ended the fight by telling me "At least I wasn't a mistake." I was only 9 at that time and I didn't understand what that meant. I asked "what do you mean I am a mistake?" She said "the only reason you were born was because you were an accident. Our parents only got married because of you, if you weren't born are parents wouldn't be married and you wouldn't be in my life." I was very hurt and confused. I went to my dad and asked him about what she said. Am I a mistake, I asked him. He said "yes, you weren't planned but if you were a mistake you were the best mistake I ever made." Even though he made me feel better about the comment, those words mistake stayed in my heart.
During my time in school I struggled with learning to read. The school did many tests on me and realized that I had a learning disability. I am dyslexic, I mix letters and words around in myhead while reading or processing information. Learning was very hard for me, school was not easy. I would see my brother and sisters come home, finish their homework in 30 minutes while it took me 3-5 hours to do my homework. I became frustrated and angry with God about this. It didn't occur to me till many years later when I started tutoring other students who struggled with learning that I really had a blessing in disguise. Once I became an English teacher for students with special needs I began to realize that I saw my students differently than other teachers. I saw their potential, I knew they could learn they just needed someone with more patience. Other teachers would get frustrated by these students and I knew what the students were struggling with because I had been there, I had been one of those students. I know that God did not make a mistake when he made me, he doesn't make mistakes. He gave me this blessing in disguise, so I could understand my students better and be a good teacher for them.
The last story I am going to share is about my mother. She is bipolar, her moods are either very good or very bad. There is no middle with her. When my parents went through a very nasty divorce over 5 years ago there was a lot of name calling and my mom said a lot of things that you can't take back. She told my youngest sister that she never wanted her, that she was free (she is adopted by the way). It got really bad, one day she told me that she wished she would never have had me. That it would have been better if she had an abortion because then she wouldn't have married my father and her life wouldn't be a mess. Those words hurt me deep down to my bones. Those things are the kind of things you don't someone can ever say to their own child. I became very depressed feeling very unwanted or just like another mistake again. It took some time and prayer but I have realized that I am not a mistake. During my parents ugly divorce I came across this poem that really helped me.
You are who you are for a reason....by *Russell Kelfer
You are who you are for a reason.
You're part of an intricate plan.
You're a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God's special woman or man.
You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb.
You're just what He wanted to make.
The parents you had were the ones He chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom-designed with God's plan in mind,
And they bear the Master's seal.
No, that trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into His likeness you'd grow.
You are who you are for a reason,
You've been formed by the Master's rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!
After I read psalm 139
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
God didn't make a mistake when he made you, he made you to be who you are...wonderful and beautiful. Every freckle or birthmark was planned from God. I then gave every woman a bracelet with a cross on it and said that anytime you think about anything negative someone said or you look at yourself in the mirror and can only see the things you don't like, I want you to look down at this bracelet and remember that God is with you, God created you, and God has a plan for you. You are NOT a mistake.
That was my whole message for both women's groups. The women took away from the message how words are powerful and how they speak to their children does matter. Afterward I prayed for them and asked God to help us give grace to those who have hurt us and for any negative thing we are holding on to, to let it go right now. It is so funny how you share something and you think you are trying to help them and they end up helping you. Two women came up to me afterward and told me that I am special, that forgiveness is hard but God will help you and that I wasn't a mistake. They also shared how they had gone through the same experiences. Some of the stories made me cry because so often people think words are just words but they are so much more than that...they have power so use them wisely.
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